WALLFLOWER

*sigh* i’m sooooooooo devastated…. 

today, i woke up to a nightmare…..my three newlyborn 9 days kitten found dead. the mother, Kiddo… was so disoriented. i think she cudnt understand that her lil babies are dead as she keep transfering one kitty then another to a safe place aways from the stupid tomcat. the culprit, BOiboi… idiot i tell u!! he was never allowed to come near to my Kiddo as she had lil kittens with her… but i dunno how he got his way this morning… all killed all of my kittens…..

i’m soooooo devastated……

the saddest thing is…. i think kiddo was trying to tell me… coz when i woke up this morning i was frightened by a cloth beside me full of blood (the cloth which i placed in her basket for her n her babies)… i ran upstairs in my attic… n found an empty basket with blood stains… i ran downsatirs n found the kittens which she was hising it from the babi cat…

i broke into tears …. i cudnt get a grip of what i was seeing… all 3 dead…. pooor kiddo… she was confused… she was following me everywhere i go… it was as though she didnt know what to do when she saw me crying my ass off over the lil kittens…. she was comforting me in a way as she was purring n sitting beside me n let me brush her fur… she was calm… i was going nuts…

i kept the kitties inside a box covered them with my tshirt…. and start digging the ground to bury them…. kiddo was trying to open the box as she cud sense that her babies are inside it… i opened the box and she continued licking them… and then…restinginfront o e box and stared at the kittens…

i cudnt take it anymore… i pulled her close to me… and hugged her… i close the box again. and continued shovelling….

i slowly placed the box in the ground n slowly.. covering it bak again….

now they’re gone for good

and now

forever, my kiddo will feel lonely.. and empty…… now, i cud somehow feel how sad it is to lose your own child…

Poor Kiddo…..

i love u baby…. i’m here k sayang…..

gosh! i’m so bored and i dunno what to talk about.. lets see… everything that i seem to talk about is…. love! *blurgh* i think i’m getting bored talking about it… ok lets change to another topic…. whatabout life? *arghh* cant i be more original than that? *hmmmmmm* (still thinking…… ) my lightbulb hasnt lit up yet.. so i guess lets talk about anything i feel like talking ya…

well…

last night… i was talking to a friend… and we talked about ‘heaven’. how do u define or our understanding of “Heaven”… for me, i think it is where an eternal bliss and happiness awaits for ones who deserves it. all happiness. pure happiness. well, i have my personal wishes and hopes if i get to go to heaven (insya allah)….

who are we to say or decide who goes where? i mean, lets face it: ppl always say if u do this than u go straight to hell or ppl who are close to god will definitely go to heaven. i have in my hand a one way ticket… to hell or heaven.. i do not know.. but the thought of it does send shivers down my spine. it is really scary… not knowing what ur actions today lies after the judgement day.

for me, it’s all up to Him. for me, anything that comes purely from the heart whether it is a good deed or a bad one defines what will u get in return. everyone prays, but how sincere n pure u are in performing your prayers… we do not know. thus, what i mean is, (u may condemn me if i m wrong)… it all liesin the heart and only He knows your true intentions and only He will show us where we will go in due time. No man, will tell us that if we dont do this we re going straight to hell or vice versa. in the end, it is us and only us will know how we are and have been all this while.

i wish to stop here for i do not wish to blab unnecessarily… will continue if there’s things to add… this is an open discussion if u wish to give feedbacks… i’m here to learn n if there’s anything that might offend u in any ways.. pls be known that it is purely unintentional…

cheers