WALLFLOWER

No! No! No!

It is that easy to say NO!

Or it is also easy to say….

I don’t want to eat

I can’t go out

I can’t help you today

I don’t agree with you

I think you’re stupid/disgusting/idiotic

By not saying all those imply that I don’t have a backbone and incapable of standing up for myself? Am I labeled as a coward or am I obliging? Is it fear or out of respect? Or am I just simply anti-confrontational and wants to be seen as the Good Cop always? Most of all, am I just lying to myself to be nice to others and covering the truth?

Question is: When I decide to change the cycle and turn the table around, am I seen as selfish, brave or crude? For once, I would like to put myself first in my decisions and path the way I want to go through. All these while I have foolishly put others first before me to a point I forget who I was and what I’m capable of doing. I often doubted myself all these years thinking that I wasn’t good enough or incapable to do anything which in turn created bigger obstacles for me to endure. So, one day I have decided to make a change, to change the current and go against the way I was used to. How did it go? It felt great! *Liberated* For once I’m beginning to see what life is all about for me… I begin to go through the path that I have chosen.

Changes are not easy and for me, I resist to changes. But I have decided to give myself a chance to look at Change in the face and go through it. *Better recognize the face* Slowly, I begin to adapt to it. I was content with life. Everything was ok but I hate it when people start to question on my decisions. I know a little bit of guidance would help but all I’m asking “let me fall, get up and walk again”. Now I want to learn to say NO. No to people telling me or underestimating my capabilities. No to people who would like to be my voice and my conscience. No to people who think I’d fail. Nevertheless, I would like to say Thank you for my friends and family who have guided me in being stronger and showing the path that I should take. Thank you for letting me be on my own and thank you for the support and love.

Thank you and No thank You  

p.s. I’ve got more to share… talk to you soon