No! No! No!

It is that easy to say NO!

Or it is also easy to say….

I don’t want to eat

I can’t go out

I can’t help you today

I don’t agree with you

I think you’re stupid/disgusting/idiotic

By not saying all those imply that I don’t have a backbone and incapable of standing up for myself? Am I labeled as a coward or am I obliging? Is it fear or out of respect? Or am I just simply anti-confrontational and wants to be seen as the Good Cop always? Most of all, am I just lying to myself to be nice to others and covering the truth?

Question is: When I decide to change the cycle and turn the table around, am I seen as selfish, brave or crude? For once, I would like to put myself first in my decisions and path the way I want to go through. All these while I have foolishly put others first before me to a point I forget who I was and what I’m capable of doing. I often doubted myself all these years thinking that I wasn’t good enough or incapable to do anything which in turn created bigger obstacles for me to endure. So, one day I have decided to make a change, to change the current and go against the way I was used to. How did it go? It felt great! *Liberated* For once I’m beginning to see what life is all about for me… I begin to go through the path that I have chosen.

Changes are not easy and for me, I resist to changes. But I have decided to give myself a chance to look at Change in the face and go through it. *Better recognize the face* Slowly, I begin to adapt to it. I was content with life. Everything was ok but I hate it when people start to question on my decisions. I know a little bit of guidance would help but all I’m asking “let me fall, get up and walk again”. Now I want to learn to say NO. No to people telling me or underestimating my capabilities. No to people who would like to be my voice and my conscience. No to people who think I’d fail. Nevertheless, I would like to say Thank you for my friends and family who have guided me in being stronger and showing the path that I should take. Thank you for letting me be on my own and thank you for the support and love.

Thank you and No thank You  

p.s. I’ve got more to share… talk to you soon

Sigh…

Could you please remove that blanket off your back?

It’s keeping me away from you

Sigh…

Every time I move closer to you

The blanket around is shielding you from me

Sigh…

I want to help you

I am here for you

But why do you feel that I never get it right?

Every time I want to tell you something

You just brushed it away and interpret it your own

Sigh…

Is it so hard to really express?

Is it so hard to look into the problem and seek an answer without trying to ‘runaway’?

I see your pain and I think I have a solution

Why won’t you let me finish?

Why do you keep decipher it erroneously?

My heart feels as though it is going to burst

Listening to how you think I wanted to say

It breaks me literally

Coz’ all I wanted was to just comfort you

Sigh…

Let me help to comfort you

Shield from being hurt

But I won’t be around a lot

I need you to be stronger for you

Tomorrow will not get any easier if today is left this way

Sigh..

Get up luv

I am here

We go through this together

‘Coz life is too complicated to go through it alone

Learn to see the intentions of others

Don’t misjudge by their voice or manner

Maybe their heart is pure and sincere

Sigh…

Get up luv

Let’s not sulk at the present

Act on improving the future

Maybe the first step is

Remove the blanket that’s clouding your mind

Remove the emotional blanket of your back

So you can see the purest intentions of other

And the good things in life

God would never created a rough path for you

If he knew you couldn’t take it

Be strong

And surprise us with your true self

Get some rest luv…

Clear your mind…

And be at peace..

I’m going to be here

Trying to remove the blanket of your back

Sigh….

Last Sunday was one of the best days of my life!

It was Sunday morning and I woke up @8.15am. I sacrificed my ‘sleep-in-late-coz-it’s-Sunday’ for a photography day out with none other than my talented photographer and best buddy, Ms. Melina! *round of applause* It was something that I had secretly planned for months but had no one with the same passion to share with (until I found her). It was something that I had to do … Driving past the Pekeliling Flats every day to work and watching it being demolished one by one made me want to go there and capture the last bits of old KL before it disappears from the modern concrete jungle of KL for good. Photography has been something I am very keen on for quite awhile and although I’m no Henri Bresson Cartier but hey…maybe I will be some renowned photographer one day J *wishful thinking* OK la… moving along….

We had arranged to meet at the Setiawangsa LRT station @9am but by the time I got there was 9.15. Met Mel few minutes later and both of us couldn’t wait to start our passage. *tot tooot tooooo Stesyen berikutnya Pasar Seni, Next Station Pasar Seni* we both looked at each other in anticipation cant wait to point our camera and click on the shutter to take our first picture. It was the best feeling ever. Walking down Central Market gave me a sense of nostalgia. How we used to walk all the way here from school to just have McDs, where we attended Kasturi, and how life was so much simpler then now. The first thing we did was to have Breakfast at a mamak restaurant. 2 tosai, kuah kari ikan and ayam masala… teh ais and milo ais. Man! Manis giler the drinks…honestly it was more like air gula perisa milo. While we were enjoying our breakfast a man mid 40s came up to us and ask if we were Jordanians. *ugh I hate people interrupting me while I’m eating* so then he was friendly enough to start talking about his life yada yada yada and questioning us about where we’re from, are we local, blab la bla.. n the best part of it all, he asked if we have hp no. that he contact to talk about his business. That’s when I had enough and I mean cant he see that we weren’t interested and we not even considering of engaging him for a conversation so I said, “Sorry we don’t give out numbers to strangers”. He smiled and he walked off. For a moment there we thought he’d left the place only to realize that he was sitting right behind me. Man… so pissed off. Soon after we have finished our tosais, we left and started our photography journey.

Fun. Fun. Fun. We looked like it was our first time being there but the place has changed a lot since we finished school. It looks friendlier now. Scary before? Hmmm I think so. We were wandering in and out of the complex looking for something interesting to capture. The best part of it all was that we had no plans or destinations except for the Flat Pekeliling (that I wanted to go to) so we just walked and walked and we were free to go and do whatever we feel like doing:).

So, from CM we walked all the way to Masjid Jamek LRT Station. Our next destination was Flat Pekeliling. I was soooo elated! It was 11.30 when we arrived at the Titiwangsa LRT Station, I just couldn’t wait. Armed with my faithful camera in my hand, all I could think of was ways and shots that would capture the last bits of this place that has been around longer than I have. A smiled carved on my face and my pace was getting faster that I can go straight to the place and start snapping away. Since my camera is a manual SLR and Mel’s was DSLR, I had to really think and organize my shots as best as I can so I wouldn’t waste the film that I had, whereas, Mel, she was enjoying herself snapping away. Something strange happened.. as I was framing a shot of the evacuated building and finally am satisfied with the shot, I clicked on the shutter and to my surprise the shutter didn’t release and I was like a dungu waiting for the shutter to release. At first I thought it was because the lighting wasn’t enough or what-nots that it happened. Then, when I realize that it was taking way too long, I took a look at my camera and it was off. I switched it on again and suddenly my batt showed it was empty when not less than 10mins ago, the batt in my camera was full. Well I thought there was something wrong with my camera so I tried taking the same picture again, and the same thing happened. The shutter just wont released. I looked at it again. It was off.

I told Mel about it and she was puzzled too. Then she tried taking my picture, and the same thing happened! I was sooo frustrated coz we were there for less than 10mins and already my camera was giving me a hard time. Feeling so frustrated and unsatisfied, I’ve decided to go to Sg Wang and buy new batts. So there we go again, taking the monorail right up to Sg Wang. It was really mind boggling and disturbing!

When got off the train, we decided to switch on the camera and see if it works then. I snapped a photo of Mel and it WORKED!! The batt was full and there were no sign that my batt was even half empty! What the hell is going on?? Both of us freaked out for a moment and decided to just check with the camera shop to see if there’s something wrong with my camera. Then we decided to calm our nerves down with a double scoop of Cookies and Tiramisu gelato at Lecka Lecka. it was a hot day indeed so lil bit of binging doesn’t hurt. Then we browsed around the mall, looking at nice shoes, clothes, shoes, shoes and shoes. For a moment there, we thought we might end up shopping instead of taking pictures. Haha…(we held ourselved together and stick to our objective of the day.. To Take Pictures)

This is nothing close to it

This one is ok la .. i’ve tried!

Then we decided to walk around Bkt Bintang area to see if there’s anything interesting for us to take pictures of. So, we walked passed street cafes and restaurants and we started snapping pics of billboard, monorails, anything that captured our eyes. Then it was lunch time.. had a brilliant idea.. called Erlina (another best buddy of mine) to see if she was working. WOHOOOOOO she was.. so we told her we wanted to meet up with her. But we didn’t waste anymore time in hand, we continued snapping pictures and also sharing bags-of-tricks of photography with each other. Best part of it all, Mel taught me the Zoom Out-In Effect. Damn nice! But I can never seem to get it. The first time I tried it.. I did Zoom In-Out haha.. wrong way. Tee Hee!!!

We were having so much fun till it started drizzling so we decided to run to KL Plaza. There we took more pics… They had this amazing CNY décor at the Centrecourse we knew that we just had to take the pictures. It Was SO Much Fun!!!!!!!! Half hour later Erlina called asking where we were. *tennn ten tennnnnnn Free Lunch* (another wishful thinking) We met her up at Planet, she was busy preparing for the Sunday Nite Live show feat Ella… peh!!!

So she asked us what we were doing n we explained blab la bla and told her we wanted free lunch! Haha!!! This is only becoz we’re good friends of her:) we ordered some food and we just sat there and talked and talked and talked. I really enjoy good company and good food. It was really nice. It rained heavily while we were having lunch! Hehe.. god wants us to eat so we wont faint standing under the hot sun taking pictures :). Oh ya.. forgot another lil detail.. when we went to check my camera at the camera shop, two things fright me: 1) the guy

said that Flat Pekeliling is ‘keras’ coz it’s an old flat la ..so many things had happened la 2) he exclaimed and said that my camera is 10yrs old! Peh!!!!!

Ok la.. so we bye-bye Erlina and continued our passage to Times Sq coz Mel said she wanted to go there. So from 4pm, we started walking to Times Sq and went to dunno how many floors we’ve explored. Bored. So we continued walking from there all the way to Bkt Bintang again and then passed Jln Sultan Ismail —— then —– Jalan P.Ramlee —- then to our final destination KLCC. By the time we got there.. our knees were wobbling and we were half crazy (singing aloud to James Morrison) and it was 7pm. The 10hours of adventure worth every milisecond of it!!! The experience was indeed priceless and I was lucky that I had my closest and dearest friends to share it with. At that point of time, we couldn’t even walk straight… we sat at the fountain and I smsed my mum to picked us up. Cannot walk anymore worrrr…!!!! Hahaha…

Ayooo ammmaaa when I got back.. Flat worr…!!!! After I had my bath, I pampered myself with Bubble Foot Spa Massager.. nyeh!! Nothing oso.. foot still aches but I know that I’m eager to develop 3rolls of film.

That night, I slept like a baby ……. Wooohoooooo…..

Thanks mel.. for making it happen : )… muwahhhhh

After a long day, we can still smile at the camera ..love u

The Aspiring Image Clicking Duo will come back with another adventure soon near you…. (well.. once our feet are back in order)

New look. I’ve decided to give my blog a newGong Xi Fa Cai fresh look in hopes that it will bring me unconditional happiness and prosperity this year of the pig. Hail to the Piggy!!! Yeay…

 Here’s the deal.. I wanna be happier.. although it sounds super cheesy, hell.. who cares.. I crave for happiness to stay longer in my life. Age is catching up with me and today is only lived once therefore I’d like to reminisce yesterday with content and fulfillment.

 I have vowed to myself that this year of the PIG, I shall get my butt up and get me some new thing to do J such as:

 1. Music Class

2. Art Class

3. Dance Class

 So far music class.. I have to put it on hold since they said that there aren’t enough students that fill up the class.. Great!! Just when I’m all hyped up about it.. they have to postponed the enrollment… I got me a set of xylophones already! I’m planning to take up Gamelan J I just love to listen to their mystical and enchanting music… it’s soothes me and I feel so relaxed.

 
Now, I’m barging into places that offer art classes for adults.. ok.. wish me luck

What a way to end 2006…

Its been ages since I poured my feelings here… I’ve got tonnes of things on my mind but I never seem to have the time to type it all out. Mix feelings; jumbled up emotions. Let’s begin…. I’m going to sit back, relax and start recollecting my moments of joy, sadness, stress, boredom, regrets and love that happened within the last 365++days.

* thinking… thinking hard*

I guess.. One of the best things that I’ve experienced was a trip to BALI with my family last December. *Mesmerized* It was everything that I’ve ever dream off. A girl who has never left the country *well I did.. but that was to Singapore when i was 12 didnt quite sound like an adventure to me* was a dream come true. The night before I left for Bali.. I was busy checking my Camera to see if it’s ok and also packing 3 rolls of film which I still feel it wasn’t enough. It was a trip that I really needed. I had to go alone as my family were there a day earlier… *couldn’t get my leave approved.. so let’s not go there… sheesh* I had to change my flight ticks… everything on my own.. but thanks to my lovely darling friend, Ros and her kind helpful boyfriend (who never knew my existence till i dropped an S-O-S sms to his gf to help me with the flight ticks) who has helped me sorting out my flight. *sigh* .. Needless to say, 3 days wasn’t enough at all but it was memorable… there were just so many places that I really wanted to go but didn’t get the chance too * not enough time* Another thing that I enjoyed the most besides snapping photos was their music.. Gamelan music… it’s just sooo mystical and soothing.

For the very first time.. This girl who had always listened and dream about ppl stories on bali have finally get to feel it for herself. The people there were friendly and funny too… esp.. the people that I met at the airport…the policemen… the “mas” tourguide who drove us around… the extremely loud ladies who I bought cool bags from… there’s just so nice..

I cherished every single thing and promised myself that one day.. i’ll come back.. n this time… i’ll make sure to bring extra roll of films hehe… and spend more time there and be one with the island *haha*

Coming back from Bali.. KL was just too stressful for me… everything stressed me out… getting peace of mind was merely a thought which was unreachable. Even my mum couldn’t stop comparing Bali to KL ever since she got back which means she must’ve been really stressed out here.. heheh..

Bali was the highlight of my 2006… other than that.. it was just the same-o-same-o for the last 365++days —- ppl’s antics, kl jams, stress, pollution and again stress…. little by little I’m beginning to keep feeling that i’m digging into a deeper hole and soon it will be too deep for me to get myself out of.

What a way to start 2007…

Ha!! End of 2006 was treacherous.. N ever since then… happiness was just a word that has no meaning to me. A disastrous end to a frustrating beginning. That’s what it was. the moment the clocks strikes midnight and the whole world celebrates the beginning of a new year, all I feel was to crawl into my bed and hide myself under the blanket. From day 1 till today.. I have been faced with frustration and exhaustion. Frustration: with matters of work and also heart. Exhaustion: with the way my life keeps going thru the same unhappy cycle that never seems to end

Finding ways of working my way around all this unhappiness has yet to come to mind. Maybe I should put myself first and stop accommodating to other people’s feelings and focus on ME. Selfish as I may sound; living for other ppl is not exactly my idea of fulfilling my life. Being optimistic doesn’t pay off all the time when life keeps turning the other way around. Maybe it’s karma.. I may have done something previously to deserve all these. i am not content. i am not going to waste another year being unhappy. All i see right now is a girl who is unhappy with herself but is hiding everything behind her mask in order to fulfill other ppl’s expectations…

i will change.. i will be better.. n when i do… i’ll continue writing… i will take and turn all my ordeals and into something pretty n when it happens.. I will tell u. till then…. We’ll see

-Wallflower:New Book Same Story

When this old world starts getting me down
And people are just too much for me to face
I climb way up to the top of the stairs
And all my cares just drift right into space
On the roof, it’s peaceful as can be
And there the world below can’t bother me
Let me tell you now

When I come home feelin’ tired and beat
I go up where the air is fresh and sweet (up on the roof)
I get away from the hustling crowd
And all that rat-race noise down in the street (up on the roof)
Where you just have to wish to make it so
Let’s go up on the roof (up on the roof)

At night the stars put on a show for free
And, darling, you can share it all with me
I keep a-tellin’ you

Right smack dab in the middle of town
I’ve found a paradise that’s trouble proof (up on the roof)
And if this world starts getting you down
There’s room enough for two
Up on the roof (up on the roof)
Up on the roo-oo-oof (up on the roof)
Oh, come on, baby (up on the roof)
Oh, come on, honey (up on the roof)

Viva Italia!!!!!

ITALY 5 vs. FRANCE 3

Yabba Dabba Doo!!!! I’m so happy that Italy won the World Cup!

Although i was falling n out of sleep towards the second half n missed the phenomenal headbutt action by Zizou… *i was awake throughout 1st half though*… i was so relieved that the whole game was really interesting and full of drama…

Right from the moment Henry almost passed out n right up to Trezeguet’s ‘missed’ penalty shot.. * i honestly felt bad towards him..i bet he feels that he’s the caused of France to lose World Cup*… the match was worth watching.. too bad that i had to stay home n not join the crowd cheering for them.. bet it wudve been better..

Zambrotta’s HOT~!! szzzzzzzzzzzling! hehe.. i love watching matches especially when it comes to penalty shootouts.. at that point of time.. i bet everyone will be sitting at the edge of their seats praying that their team will win…wuish, it so intensed that when it comes to penalty shootouts, i feel like shitting in my pyjamas.. *eeewwww too much details* well yeah! sooo intensed… Man.. i personally think that both of the goalies werent great. They were too nervous and no ooommppphh!… A friend told me .. a good goalie is someone who can ‘psycho’ the opponent with their looks and actions… but i dun see that in them..for me, the best goalie is Schmeichel… fullstop.

shud stop jabbering about football…. but all-in-all…

WORLD CUP 2006 Rocks My Socks!

World Cup 2010… i’m coming!!! See u in South Africa….

V I V A  I T A L I A ! ! ! C A M P I O N E ! ! !

…… booo….

 indenial…am i? maybe so.. *bla…bla…bla* 

Just go Bla… Bla … Bla.. when things starts to get shitty!

 Dun beat yourself up! Live & Learn! Dun punish ourselves over not meeting other ppl’s expectation on us?

Esqa you’ve put on weight… i’ll say Bla..Bla..Bla..

Esqa you’re too slow…  i’ll say Bla..Bla..Bla..

Esqa get your butt up and start doing something… i’ll say Bla..Bla..Bla..

Esqa this…Esqa that.. i’ll say Bla..Bla..Bla…

That way.. i won’t get tooo stressed up over these Neanderthals…

Let me live the life i’d like to lead.. doesnt mean i’m slow i can ACE it…

doesnt mean i’m fat… nobody loves me! *RIGHT?**hmmm*hehe

basically my point is.. i’m trying to beat all these bad vibes from getting to me…

No matter what.. i’m still learning n i will improve.. in the end.. i’ll be thinner, more efficient n be someone someday!

So if someone is giving you bad vibes.. you just say… BLA..BLA..BLA…

I’m bored *bla..bla..bla*