WALLFLOWER

When this old world starts getting me down
And people are just too much for me to face
I climb way up to the top of the stairs
And all my cares just drift right into space
On the roof, it’s peaceful as can be
And there the world below can’t bother me
Let me tell you now

When I come home feelin’ tired and beat
I go up where the air is fresh and sweet (up on the roof)
I get away from the hustling crowd
And all that rat-race noise down in the street (up on the roof)
Where you just have to wish to make it so
Let’s go up on the roof (up on the roof)

At night the stars put on a show for free
And, darling, you can share it all with me
I keep a-tellin’ you

Right smack dab in the middle of town
I’ve found a paradise that’s trouble proof (up on the roof)
And if this world starts getting you down
There’s room enough for two
Up on the roof (up on the roof)
Up on the roo-oo-oof (up on the roof)
Oh, come on, baby (up on the roof)
Oh, come on, honey (up on the roof)

I cant take this anymore..

I cant stand this anymore

I have tried…. And am still trying…

To put myself in your shoes….

Understanding and feeling the pain, disappointments and despair u have coiled up in u

I can see that all these are tearing u apart…

Somehow.. I wanna reach out for u but I dunno where to start…

Tried different ways but it seems to trigger ur anger

U thought that my ways means I didn’t care about u

But u’re wrong

I care about u soo much that I’m still trying to help u n try to make u smile again

Again.. I failed…

Failed to cheer u up and failed to understand u…

I keep making u angry n I disappoint u

But.. i didn’t know what to do…

I thought my ways would help u not knowing that my ways has offended u

I cant take this anymore

I cant stand this anymore

Every time u re faced with ordeals n challenges…

U take it all out on me

U make me feel like I’m the cause of everything single unhappiness in ur life

We ve had that talk…

That talk… how and what u should do

To turn this bad luck away

But u never seem to do

I guess my words didn’t help that much

Sweet and comforting words is what u await for me to say

If truth is what u seek, those words I shall not say

I want u to see the bigger picture

I want u to open ur eyes

N understand how it happened and why

I want u to learn n see it your way

Learning and slowly turning ur life around n see urself smiling again

Yet, my actions n words are always used against me

I can never seem right

I’m always creating sinful accusations, selfishly worrying of own self than urs

How could u see that in me?

How could u think so selfish of me?

When all I want is to make u happy

When all I want is to see u smile

Why is my ways always wrong?

Why are my words never good enough?

Am I not the only person u claim who understands u the most?

Am I not the only person who loves unconditionally?

Why am I always at fault?

Your words often push me to the ground,

Your words often make me feel low,

Your words often kill me.

I cant stand it anymore

I cant take it anymore

Why cant u see that when I vowed that

I’ll be there through thick n thin…

Why wont u trust me?

@tjoetnja 301105 10:00pm

Question: So..what do u do if u can’t get into your house? stupid me…. i forgot to bring my house key. hehe! Mom is out to pick abang up from Sentral Station.

Well the Answer is: try n get yourself.

Situation: phone - no credit n no where to go… actually.. i just wanna stay home…!

Solution: i got to find my way in…

Strategy: look for possible places for me to get in.

RESULT: tadaaaaaa…. well i’m typing this now am i… which means… i’m already in…. yeaaahaaaa!!! i feel sooooooooooo gempaq! hahahha

However, the secret place for which i had successfully squeeze myself in shall not be disclosed here. it will remain confidential between me n my cats… i bet my cats were thinking that their master is going ‘coo-koooo’ in the head… haha…. well they’re not exactly helpful though… they just sat there in a group n watching me…as though i’m putting on a freaking show for them… damn these lazy cats!!!!! eat sleep east sleep!!hhehehe but i still love them to death…. i mean if anything were to happen to me…. they’ll be the last living things that i see n they’re my sole witnesses over my stupendous act of stupidity!

[ Commercial Break ]

watching apprentice…. my gosh!! John is sooo freaking annoying…. he just needs to butt in all the time n give a piece of his mind! n he talks rubbish!!! they’re in charge o producing an auction on the net for AIDS Pediatric Fund and they had lists o the coolest bands n artists ever.. Every group has their ‘annoying’ one… n here he is… pitching his idea to the group n asked if he can borrow Barenaked Ladies’ drum for him to jam! i mean… what kind of idiot would ask sucha thing… sooooooo stupid!!! they’re the Net Worth.. they had artists like… Gene Simmons, Barenaked Ladies, Simple Plan, New Found Glory and Fat Joe…. however, Magna had people like Eve, Lil Jon, Lil Kim, Moby n Jadakiss … SOOO COOOOLLLLL!!!! (hehe!!! starstruck)

ok apprentice is back…..

 ”GO BIG OR GO HOME” <—– brought to u by Trump

woooohoooooo….. John is out !!!!! You’re Fired~

When you’re feeling down n low and nothing seems to make you smile

what u need is…… ‘moral fiber’

may it be your passion for football, or an idol or even your mother….

let it be a drive for u to move forward..

a form of inspiration for u to reach greater heights and aspiration to achieve your dreams

For me, my idol is definitely my mother n Yasmin Ahmad…..

there’s so much energy and drive coming from them that makes you wanna go on and

never give up….

Sigh!!! hihihi… i realize that u only have one chance in life and its your choice to the live the fullest! enough of feeling introvert and unconfident… its time to move forward n have fun

               When i first watched Breakfast at Tiffany’s i was so mesmerized by the beauty n classiness (if there’s such word) of it. and form then… i was in love.. haha… sad? ya! but who cares…. dare to dream….i ve alwasy dreamt of being proposed nside Tiffany & Co. by the man of my life… hehe..like Sweet Home Alabama… man! i was definitely in love.

Frankily speaking.. i tot it was impossible for me to have it…. but it didnt stop me there… ikept dreaming n dreaming that one day someone special will buy me something from there… *wink* *Wink* diamond ring would be nice! haha…. so u see.. that’s why i’m still dreaming of having one…

But Today… a miracle just happened…God has decided to gimme a chance and taste my own dream that i ve been longing for soo long. My brother has present me my first Tiffany & Co…. !!!!!! *Applause* yeah!!!!! heheh.. n the best part of it all.. its the one that ive been wanting… the Open Heart necklace….! wooohooooo!!!! sometimes… life s not that bad as it seems… God works in mysterious ways!

i love my brother *boy! that sounds different* hahhahahaha

i love u my family!

note: i’m so happy - 24Mac05 - 9.00pm

From the naked eyes,

they judge me without even knowing me,

From their naked eyes,

they see,

me hurting people around me

they see

i keep jumping from one thing to another

causing so much hurt n pain along the way

but do they know?

what really happened?

or was i happy with the situation i was in?

did they ask about me?

did they care?

they didn’t even bother

but only judging

blinded, with what they want to see

deaf, listening to what they want to hear

ignorance

not a bliss

judging

that’s all they do

i’m here sitting while listening n watching

lies after lies 

cant take it

i dig deeper n deeper into a hole

trying to escape

from all of this horrible lies

it hits me..

like an arrow to the heart

but i will not perish

for the truth remains only to the one who seeks

keeping silent

for fighting to come to the light will not be useful

sitting silently

waiting for it to stop

helpless

weak.. weaker by the minute

but i gotto hold my head up high

got to reach for the light

for i am not afraid

and i will not hide

my true self

i crawl back up to the sun

and i stood up tall

for not i shud be blame 

silly things

letting it go

moving on…

to a brighter, promising day.

Bla Bla Bla.. i’ve posted 2 blogs and i didnt give any brief introduction about me … “Seaant“… (not that anyone would care..but oh well! worth a shot) A stubborn person who believes and lives by superstitions. i am optimistic and a seeker for new and exciting things. However, as interesting as i may sound.. i have put a lot of things on hold due to other circumstances.

My Past has made who i am today. i ve seen a lot and sometimes i wish i could hold on to it sooo tight so i won’t forget it.. and sometimes i wish i didn’t have to go through it at all and forget about the whole thing completely… but life has its twist n turn… for which i do not regret for the things that happened n done in the past.

A hopeless romantic who believes and wishes that a “happy ending and they lived happily ever after” in movies does happen in reality refuse to hit back to reality. i love what i see and its not wrong to dream

However, this year… i wish that i would pursue more of my dreams and achieve my goals.. and also attend to my own personal “Wish List” (which i made since last year n till now only a few has been done …ughh typical me)….

i am not fully content with my life now but i am blessed with all that s given to me from God.  For i still have a mission which i wanna fulfill personally, spiritually and professionally.

“Thanks for dropping by”